Fearless of Falling
I can't always say what I want to say.
For a long time I didn't want people to love me, I wanted them to love the image I was trying to project. I felt if I was not being myself I would be more in control. And less affected by negative responses. After all it is not me that is being hurt, neglected, ignored, abused...rather it is this image of me that I have created for you.
There were those however that loved me for being who they wanted me to be. This is not the same. This is someone coerecing me to play a part they have scripted and anything I do outside of that role is rejected and worse, ignored.
One time was I in a very fluid relationship where there were no created images. I was I and she was she and we laughed and we loved and we were. Without planning or thinking or fearing or any of that. This whole time I lived every day without fear of falling. Each day I knew was going to be successful, each day I took in life and gave out life and I was thoughtless of the world and at peace with the world.
Knowing that a time like this once was, makes me believe that a time like this can be again.
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