The Dreaming "Twins" : Caroline And Stargazer

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Societal Obligations And Marriage


I am going to rest today. Putter at will. No worrying allowed. I am nearly packed for my trip West. Humans are programmed to behave according to societal expectations. Had I fallen into an average life, I would be sitting on the couch, drinking coffee, and watching life happen to other people...on TV. There would be too many pills in my medicine chest, I would shop at Wal Mart, and eat at Mc Donalds. I'd have children, I would drive (something I never learned to do) the laundry would be flipping about inside a machine.....and I might be awaiting the mailman, or a call from my husband. I might have joined a church "in order to have a social life" or to "meet someone and get married" even at this late stage. I never married. I didn't want to. It would have been impossible to "obey" my darling husband. If he had to dominate me, he wouldn't have a whole lot going for himself. The "white dress thing" didn't appeal to me, with squealing giddy women...men dressed like penguins....gifts, a high chance that I would end up with two children and divorced from "Mr. Wonderful" There was one man in my life I would have married. But no religious vows, and spectacle..no garish cake... hell with all those sugar calories, and the little man and woman plastic thingy...withing a few years, they might be chasing each other with machetes. Will I ever marry ? Almost 58....he would have to be an exceptional man. I don't want to sit on the couch...watching TV or waiting for him/myself to die..or wonder what happens when he can't drive any more...(hire a driver, and go out less often)
 No one should ever marry out of fear. When we marry, we end up with a person. Fortunes, and property can vanish. When relationships are based on material possessions, loyalty can disappear when they do. It's best to grow comfortable with the self. And work from there. I will always need my own space. I don't want to depend too much on other people. It would be better to live in a small community, and take care of my own needs. I don't like possessiveness. It's normal for humans to be insecure, and that's fine, but I will never put up with a jealous, controlling mate. It can be suffocating. I need a man who likes the same things I do, generally, but not to the point that he and I are "as one"...that's just unacceptable. I want him to be himself...that's why I would take up with him. I don't want a Mr. Me...
 C March 24 2005 Stargazer

Posted: March 24, 2005 






 

 

 


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