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Violence Past, In my 20ís

Why am I here? He says he loves me, I return the words.
ďI love you also LarryĒ, but do I feel it?

If love is in our relationship, THEN why all the screaming, back and forth,
Why does he get me cornered, pointing his long skinny finger at me, I am stuck, I canít go no where, just standing there in the corner while we yell at one another.

Finally I canít take no more. Oh My God! I canít handle him pinning me any more in the corner yelling in my face so  I push as hard as I can, this makes him mad, so he pushes me back,

Now the fight is really on., the pushing doesnít  just stay at screams and pushes, Oh No, they now are slaps.
He rushes out the door saying mean and hurtful things, and in return I do the same.

With him gone, I think of death, His or mine, I just want the hate, the violence to end, and thinking about someoneís death really sounds appetizing, even to the point I come to the place I try it a few times,
Guess God was  watching out for me, none of the times was even close to happening, had to many people around me to carry out any of the attempts.   Thank you God for saving me from Larry,
And thank you God for saving me from killing him or myself.

It has been many years since this nightmare, I still carry the emotional scares, Will I always? I guess life will tell me that as I travel itĎs roads..    I am trying to go on a road to recovery.
Tammi Pitman

Posted: April 28, 2005 ,   Modified: April 29, 2005

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