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It is May

Okay, where to begin.  First, I am not waiting on Harold. He passed March 31, 2005.  He never set foot in a hospital. I cared for him mentally and physically alone. It was an experience I shall not soon forget.  Very sad experience, yet he was here and not in a hospital.
Blessed for that.  His Adonis body  - well, in my eyes - he was still my Adonis. From the first time I saw him until I washed his body, cut his curly hair, trimmed his beard, mustache, dried his body, put lotion on him, dried him off and then pricked my finger to mingle my blood with his.  On his chest he had three drops of my blood.  He was cremated per his wish.I then wrapped his body in a shroud - his wishes that no one else but me touch him after his passing - were kept. No articles in the paper, radio, no funeral home 'vigil'. The service was held at my son's home. He prepared the service unique to Harold. My daughter prepared a collage of pictures.
The service was beautiful and the collage was full of memories and laughter. We laughed and laughed.  Harold's most nerve wracking behavior was and is so funny now!  His paranoia.  The windows duct taped and nailed, the boobey traps, the boarded up, dead bolted doors, to get out of the house was 4 locks, to get out of the yard was two locks, to get in the garage was 4 locks. Whew!! You were slap worn out by the time you got in the car!  The air conditioner filter was dead bolted -- in case the people he saw and heard on a 24 hour basis - might crawl thru the air ducts and enter the house; I finally got that off and unscrewed the screws ---- yippee, I changed the filter! I know the air conditioner breathes freely once again. The attic is still dead bolted and nailed or screwed shut - haven't tackled that as of now. It will take a taller person than me. Even the ladder doesn't help.  So, now I am alone - completely.  And broke to boot.   I am blessed too much.  I own land. I have too much equity in the house, ---  I am poor, not poor enough. and not wealthy enough to ............. Well as it goes I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Surely, there is a way out there -- problem is finding that way.  I have searched site after site. called lawyers and Realtors
All to no avail.  Shucks!  What to do What to do.

Will close for now.

I am still full of love - and my cats are receiving all of it. For now.  And of course my Children. They are Angels. Aren't all our children Angels?

Love, Peace and Blessing.


Posted: May 21, 2005 


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