true confessions

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Whew this is really hard to talk about.  A few lifetime ago when I was with my first, him and my best friend came up with this theory that I had an eating disorder.  Its funny though because she was doing everything that I was. Well, in all reality they were wright.  I only ate one meal a day and if I did that then I'd take laxatives and or exercises both before and after I ate. Well, he helped me through it over that year we was coo.  I guess now that my world seems to be crashing down on me again I realize I was never cured.  When I put on dresses or shirts my stomach began to poke out like I am pregnant.  I ignored it for a week or two until others started saying thing to me.  So for the past two day I have been eating 500 calories if that.  And exercising morning and night. I don't want to do this to myself again but it seem as if it makes EVERYTHING better.  I feel guilty after i eat anything with more than 50 calories. My mom thinks I exercise because I like it so I just play the cards.  In reality I hate it more than life itself.  I'm in love with the results. I have to have that small waist and thighs that don't giggle, cut arms and abs. Thats the body I have to get.  Yeah I know the consequences. Last time it got so bad I had anemia-severely.  My body even thru up things that wont even there.  My grandma always says things like "You need to put half of that food back-your gonna get fat."  My mom always says junk like I hate those stretch marks on you and tells me to take certain clothes off because of my stomach. So I don't really care about not being healthy. I mean I already have 5 different pills to take as it is. Whats a few more?  

Posted: May 31, 2005 ,   Modified: June 2, 2005

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