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Sarah's Birthday

Today is my best friend Sarah's birthday, except she's not here to spend it with.  She passed away a year ago, and i've never got over it.  It hurts bad.  You know, the pain of having to deal with the loss of a best friend at the age of 14.  Plus, my boyfriend, Justin killed himself exactly four months after she killed herself.  I am not just saying that they were my best friends, just b/c they died...they really were.  And i was not a good enough friend to keep them alive, and that's really hard 2.  Sarah's dad beat her daily, since her mom died when she was 10.  Sexually and abusively.  She got really heavy into pot and alcohol the last year that she was alive, and i got her to quit a couple of times, only to find that she started again.  A lot of stuff happened to her in her lifetime, stuff that I can't even imagine happening.  It makes it harder, b/c i didn't go through it, and she did.  I almost feel guilty b/c i wasnt beat and abused with her.  And my boyfriend, Justin, OMG, i love him so much.  He died on January 18th, and Sarah on October 18th.  Both Sarah and Justin's birthdays were in the same month.  I hate December so much, b/c i am constantly reminded of them.  I used to love Christmas, b/c i would spend it with my best friends.  After Sarah died, i knew justin was sad, but i didn't think it was bad enough for him to take his life away.  I guess he went through a lot 2.  I am going through a lot right now, and I feel so bad.  I need help.  I just don't like talking to people, so that's why this blog is my new friend...;)

Posted: December 1, 2005 ,   Modified: December 1, 2005


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