bored and confused
I have been in contemplation for awhile about whether or not I should stay with my boyfriend. I don't want to break up with him, though, especially not before Christmas, not that I'm only trying to stay with him for Christmas. I like him. Well, I did. But each day I like the boy less and less. I need so much more. I don't see him enough or get the type of affection that I need from him. I need something. It's not even sexual anymore. It's just a longing to be held in someone's arms, and his aren't available. There are a lot of ex-boyfriends coming out of the woodwork that seem to want to be with me now and are making more effort to be with me and see me than my own boyfriend is doing. I don't enjoy cheating on him, but it seems the only option to get any type of affection from anyone. One of my ex-boyfriends is someone that I am so in love with, and the other person is someone that I hurt so many times and yet he still seems to care to some extent. The one that cares came to visit yesterday, well last night. He just popped up. OMG, he looks so much more different, older and more mature. Some people don't think that kissing is a form of cheating, yet I do. So, I guess that I cheated. Well, I don't care anymore. It's not a matter of sex, like I said before. I want some that cares for me in some way to just hold me. Sex wouldn't be so bad right now, though. I'm going on 4 months, which is a lot for me. I might try to stick to this celibacy thing if I don't get some soon. Well, I guess that's it.
|Posted: December 19, 2005 |