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Invisible (Posted: Oct 31,   Modified: Nov 3)
I find it humorous that I will not use my real name, that I have changed names to protect the Innocent.....What are we Guilty of? It is amazing though that now many times when someone ask about one of the Children, knowing about the illnesses that I am almost embarrassed to tell the truth. Embarrassed to tell them what the Doctor said the day before, I feel like how can anyone believe the Saga of our lives....Mayne that is why I think of going to someone and baring my Soul...so I don't have to pretend for one hour that my Life is Good...normal. For one hour I could rant at the unfairness and maybe for one hour, in one day....I could Cry again...just to feel the tears on my face would somehow make me believe that I'm not so scarred and battered that I'm still alive. I would love to Cry as hard as we did as Children.....heaving and gasping....When I think of this raw emotion....I imagine how an Addict feels remembering their first High...ephoria...I would love to feel, really feel again.But I know another day will pass without calling A Doctor, without reaching out to someone to help me find ME, instead I will plan the rest of the week in my Mind....